LaLa Land

I was kidnapped yesterday. Stolen away into a black Explorer by Tianna and Becky. Tianna promised a night of fun and drinking. She's single again, so I couldn't say 'no,' and Becky is a party all by herself. We were on our way to "Here," the hottest lesbian bar in LA. A night with no pressure to hook up, awesome. The drive there was easy enough, the "Fierce Five" announced our arrival into LA. In a city that seems always to be screaming, constipated with traffic, this music was a perfect accompanyment. Fallout boy, My Chemical Romance, and 30 Seconds to Mars: fake music for a fake city.

Cruising was on the menu at Here. Short skirts, tight jeans, impossibly high heels were hung neatly on girls with perfectly manicured faces and expertly coiffed hair. Every half hour a deafening siren would sound and the ultra smokin bartenders would climb up on the downstairs bar and perform choreographed dances to songs like "sexy back." Gyrating, lots and lots of gyrating. They were completely mesmerizing.

At the bar, a guy named "Kermit" (I kid you not, that was his name) bought my friends and I shots of tequila. Tianna took it upon herself to introduce us. "Hey, she's straight and so are you, funny!" He was handsome enough, tallish, black, nice smile, and he WAS buying shots. Not really my type though, especially after the first ass grab. So not ok. I was aloof, trying to show obvious disinterest. I was wearing an off-the-shoulder magenta top. He took it upon himself to massage my shoulders. Ick. "Wow, you must work out." Thank God for Becky. Seeing the desperate look in my eyes she tried to rescue me. "That was such a lame line," she said as she grabbed me around the waist and wedged herself between us. The name dropping started. "Can I send a limo to pick you guys up tomorrow? I'm having a huge party, Nickolas Cage (Nick to his friends) and Wesley Snipes will be there." " Ok" I said sarcastically, do these lines really work for him?

Unsandwiched, we made our way outside to the patio to enjoy the rest of our night. Jo fell in love and I was commissioned to play wingman. Haha, awesome! I chatted up two girlfriends as Jo attempted to charm the pants off their third wheel. Slowly, the bar began to empty, parties of two (and sometimes 3) spilled out of the bar and into the street. Sloppy lines of girls with runny makeup magically appeared in front of the Los Pancho burrito shop, girls too drunk to care about the 700 calories they could barely taste.

The drive to Aunt Kays seemed to drag on forever. We finally stumbled in around 4am, exhausted yet completely satisfied. I met my pillow with a heavy head and dreams so vague I can't remember.